Pirate Pigs.....

Budsy and I have this ritual. In the morning, on the way to school, I tell him a story. I make it up. The school is only 5 minutes away so the stories aren't long. We've been doing this for a long time now. The story line usually follows the same scenario. Some not so normal, flora or fauna chases us to school. For a long time there was a new character each day. For example, one day the story would be about "monster wasps", the next day "mutant gophers", the next "cyborg trees". You get the idea. What ever was chasing us would get hit by or run over at least once along the way, always getting up and always getting madder and madder. Often, something Bud has in his lunch, like "peanut honey" sandwiches, would drive the "monster" into a crazed fit. As I got more comfortable in the story telling mode the stories became more elaborate and the things chasing us, would somehow get their hands on large caliber plasma weapons or long range nuclear lasers or some other weapon of mass destruction that they had no business having. The first time I made up a story Bud didn't know I was making it up and he thought we were really being chased. I looked in the rear view mirror to see him ducking in his car seat so the "thing" couldn't see him. I'm swervin' all over the road and he's yelling, "Where is it now?" It was hilarious. He kind of knows it's just made up now.

One of the first things that ever chased us was his "mom". I got great mileage out of her chasing us. I had a pretty good idea what she was like mad so it wasn't to much of a stretch to have her screamin and yellin while chasing the car. He really thought she was chasing us the first time. He got a real pained look on his face when she got run over in the intersection, then was laughing so hard when she speed bagged the driver and took his car. She always got up and she never really got hurt. She had super human strength and was tough as nails, but she couldn't run worth shit 'cause she NEVER caught us. Nothing like family values.

There are a few things that always play a part in the stories. Stoplights, for instance, are always interesting. Usually this is where the "bad guys" nearly catch up. Nearly. Oh so nearly! There is a lot of Bondurant School of High Performance Driving that goes into getting away. I'm sure other people think I've been drinking the way I'm swerving. Also, there is a greenhouse complex on the way to school so I always make it a target. Whatever is chasing us either likes the peppers and tomatoes or hates them. Mayhem and destruction to follow.

One morning Bud asked "What's chasing us today"? His mom gave me this withing look and said "Why does everything have to be destructive? How come you always have to blow something up?" (Uhhh, we're guys...duh!) However, she had a point, and because this was one of the days she was riding with us, I changed the story to reflect a new more wholesome set of values. A large angel was following our car doing good deeds, saving people, and generally making the world a better place. I made up Angelic music and all. Bud, in the back seat, eyes rolling back into his head with each heartfelt, loving jesture. His mom was all smiles in the passenger seat saying, "Now isn't that better?" I don't know what happened, but something made the angel really angry and with only two turns left before reaching the school that loving angel snapped, pulled out a large particle cannon and took out the entire greenhouse complex and the adjoining street and smoked us too, peanut honey sandwich and all. I heard about that little episode all the way to work. Bud liked it though.

The "Pirate Pigs" are Buds idea. I was sort of burned out coming up with new things every day so I asked Bud for an idea. The Pigs were born. I turned the Pigs into a "series". It's been a huge hit. Just like any good series, "All hell" just about breaks loose before we get to school. Sorry, can't finish, "To be Continued". Sue has asked many times for me to add some life lessons into these fabulous stories. I could do it. It would be easy, but the story gets away from me. Where else could you get pigs who are dressed up like pirates and speak with either pirate voices or newfie voices. They have sticks for swords and their booty is a treasure chest full of gold beer bottle caps. There is a pig named "Bob" who is really, really smelly so he gets stuck way up the mast of their boat or in the trunk of the car. They have to tape their "swords" to their "hoofies" because they don't have opposable thumbs. They make EVERYBODY walk the plank and they live on "Skull" island. They have stolen police cars, broken out of jail, robbed a boat store and a convenience store, pirated a motor yacht, all in the name of "booty".

What good have the Pigs done you ask? My youngest son, my favourite 8 year old, goes to school EVERY day with a huge smile on his face and a laugh in his belly. I can't wait for school to get back in!